Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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