Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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