I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
