I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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