I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
