WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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