he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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