Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
