Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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