You really coming over, don't trick.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
