oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
