Where are you?
In a non slutty way
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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