i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
