The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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