So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
