i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
