I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it glows. i had to have it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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