she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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