so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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