We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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