In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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