Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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