Got a toothbrush?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
