Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
