there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
