So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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