operation have a gay friend backfired
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
