There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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