the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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