we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
