i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
