Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We were destined to go to rehab together
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
