blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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