Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
