I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
