38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
soo... how was my night?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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