the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
