Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
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I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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