She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
