All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
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We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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