i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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