Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
