I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
