There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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