OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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