so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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