You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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