i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
