JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
