i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
