I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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