Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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