seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
This gyro tastes like lonliness
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I came so hard my ears popped.
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