ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
