just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
