Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
