so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
