your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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