I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
