summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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