Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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