Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
