so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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