New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
