At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
