It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
