dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
That reminds me...we need to get swords
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
