Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
