My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize